PTSD and Cheating

Estimated reading time: 11 minute(s)

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, abbreviated as PTSD, is a severe mental health disorder arising from experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. [1] The condition can profoundly affect various aspects of life, particularly personal relationships. In intimate relationships, PTSD often raises the risk of cheating or infidelity, with many reported cases involving these issues. The interplay between PTSD and cheating is intricate and complex, and understanding it can help overcome both problems properly.

An Overview of PTSD

Posttraumatic stress disorder or PTSD is a mental health condition characterized by continuous distressing symptoms following exposure to a traumatic event, for example, natural disasters, sexual assaults, or accidents. Following are the four main categories of PTSD symptoms: [2]

Avoidance: People with PTSD try to avoid thinking about their traumatic event, often developing detachment and emotional numbness from their loved ones.
Intrusive Memories: PTSD can cause the recurrence of unwanted memories related to the traumatic triggers, often in the form of nightmares and flashbacks.
Variations in Reactivity and Arousal: This includes angry outbursts, hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping, and irritability.
Negative Changes in Mood & Thinking: PTSD causes persistent negative emotions and distorts personal beliefs about oneself and others. Consequently, it may make a patient detach from their family and friends.

The symptoms of PTSD can severely interfere with a person’s ability to function in everyday life and maintain relationships. The long-term emotional turmoil and stress linked with PTSD can cause people to develop maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as isolation, substance use disorder, and cheating.

A Psychological Perspective of PTSD From Cheating

The association between PTSD and cheating is multifaceted, with many underlying psychological mechanisms linking the two. Understanding these mechanisms can help individuals understand why their PTSD can make them more prone to cheating in relationships and how cheating can affect them.

Detachment & Emotional Numbing

Emotional numbness and detachment are some of the hallmark symptoms of PTSD. Individuals with this disorder often struggle to emotionally connect with their partners, leading to isolation, loneliness, and decreased satisfaction in relationships. [3] The consequent emotional connection within an ongoing relationship may trigger them to seek connection and intimacy outside their primary relationships, leading to cheating.

For instance, a veteran with underlying PTSD may struggle to express their emotions to their spouse. The constant irritability and the feeling of being on the edge may also push them to look for comfort outside this relationship, causing an extramarital affair.

Risk-Taking Behavior & Hyperarousal

Posttraumatic stress disorder makes a person hyperactive with a heightened state of reactivity, increasing their risk of engaging in impulsivity. For them, cheating or infidelity can be a type of risk-taking behavior as it provides them a temporary escape from hypervigilance and emotional pain associated with PTSD. [4] Moreover, the adrenaline rush that comes with an affair may alleviate their numbness, even if it is momentary, causing them to feel more in control.

For instance, a person who has survived a natural disaster and continues to relive it every day may engage in infidelity to exert control over life or feel alive. The temporary thrill that comes with this behavior distracts him from the state of constant anxiety and alertness secondary to PTSD.

Validation & Self-Esteem

Traumatic experiences often lead to low self-esteem and distortion of self-perceptions. For people with PTSD, seeking validation through cheating serves as a way to manage these negative emotions. The affection and attention they receive from a new partner also help them boost self-esteem and experience a new sense of worth that may be lacking in their other relationship.

For example, a person with a history of sexual assault may struggle with self-blame or worthlessness. An affair outside their current relationship may give them the self-worth and affirmation they desperately need.

Escape & Avoidance

Avoidance is one of the common symptoms of PTSD cheating symptoms that causes individuals to avoid anything that reminds them of their trauma. For some people, this avoidant behavior extends to their relationships, forcing them to prevent their current partner. Ultimately, they may look for someone new, as engaging with them may relieve their ongoing emotional struggle.

For instance, a person who experienced a traumatic event at home may struggle to be intimate with someone in the same environment. Hence, they may try building a relationship away from this environment as a solution to avoid trauma triggers.

PTSD and Cheating: The Impacts of Infidelity on Existing Trauma

While PTSD can lead to cheating, the reverse can also be true, though it may not be widespread. [5] Cheating can have profound effects on individuals with underlying PTSD, including worsening of current symptoms and hindrance in the recovery process.

Some common impacts of infidelity on someone with PTSD are explained below:

Exacerbation of Existing PTSD Symptoms

Discovering a cheating partner can lead to a significant emotional shock, sometimes similar to a traumatic event. For someone diagnosed with PTSD, this betrayal may exacerbate their symptoms, including hyperarousal, intrusive memories, and emotional numbness. The stress of dealing with a cheating partner can overwhelm their already fragile emotional health, making them struggle even more to manage the underlying symptoms.

For instance, a person with posttraumatic stress disorder may find a betrayal in their relationship, triggering flashbacks of their original trauma and worsening other symptoms. Eventually, their mental health may start spiraling down even if it was improving before.

Worsening Relationship Dynamics & Trust Issues

Trust issues are often a common aspect of post-traumatic stress disorder, especially for people whose primary trauma involves interpersonal violence or betrayal. A cheating patterner can further undermine their trust, making it difficult for them to feel secure and safe in their relationships. This eroding trust can make them more anxious, hypervigilant, and much more reluctant to engage in any intimate relationships in the future.

As an example, consider someone who was betrayed by a family member or a close friend during active trauma. When such a person discovers that their romantic partner has been cheating on them, this may strengthen their belief that no one is worth trusting and exacerbate their PTSD symptoms. Ultimately, these issues can make recovery for them much more challenging and difficult to achieve.

Compounding Feelings of Shame & Worthlessness

People with PTSD commonly struggle with feelings of shame and worthlessness. Experiencing betrayal from a cheating partner can quickly compound these feelings, reinforcing their beliefs about their worthiness of respect and love. The emotional fallout that cheating leads to can also worsen their sense of hopelessness and isolation, which are often already present in PTSD.

For example, a person who already feels unworthy of respect and love due to past trauma may interpret their cheating partner as a confirmation of their fears. This can cause a decline in their mental health and add to the challenges in their PTSD recovery journey.

Managing Trauma From Being Cheated On: Broader Implications

Understanding the connection between PTSD and cheating is imperative for both individuals involved in a relationship and mental health professionals. Addressing this intricate interplay can help both parties work together more efficiently, make a more effective treatment approach, and establish healthier relationship dynamics.

Support & Communication

Mutual support and open communication are essential, especially in relationships where one partner struggles with PTSD. The partners of such people must educate themselves about the symptoms and struggles of PTSD so that they can foster understanding and empathy. This knowledge can also help both partners successfully navigate the everyday challenges of PTSD, including hyperarousal and emotional numbing, more healthily without resorting to maladaptive coping mechanisms like cheating.

For example, an individual in a relationship with someone with PTSD can learn how to recognize when their partner is withdrawing due to emotional numbness. This skill can help them offer support when their partner needs them the most so they do not feel isolated, disconnected, and consequently tempted to seek connection and comfort elsewhere.

Support Groups & Community Resources

Community resources and support groups can play an essential role in the recovery process for people with underlying PTSD and betrayal in relationships. These support groups provide a safe space for individuals to gain support, share their experiences, and learn from others facing similar challenges.

For instance, a support group dedicated to recovery for veterans with PTSD can provide them with a safe space to share their relationship challenges, including cheating. The sense of community these groups provide can be powerful and healing for PTSD.

Establishing Healthy Coping Mechanisms

For individuals with PTSD, establishing healthy coping mechanisms is crucial. These coping mechanisms may include promoting activities that decrease anxiety and stress, such as mindfulness, exercise, and other creative outlets. Professionals can help individuals acquire a robust supportive network and emotional stability to reduce the risk of seeking comfort and validation outside their primary relationship.

For example, an individual with PTSD may find regular workouts as a way to manage their symptoms, including the urge to exercise risk-taking behaviors like cheating. Mindfulness practices can also help by making them stay in the present moment and control the impact of their intrusive memories.

Therapy & Counseling

Couples and individual therapy are highly beneficial for simultaneously addressing and managing PTSD and issues related to cheating. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are particularly effective for PTSD as they help individuals process their underlying trauma and reduce symptoms. [6] [7] Couples therapy, in particular, can help both partners improve communication, re-establish trust, and acquire healthier coping strategies to strengthen their underlying relationship.

For example, a couple struggling with the aftermath of cheating and the consequent worsening of PTSD can work with a therapist to understand their underlying issues, acquire better communication skills, and come up with a plan to rebuild their relationship.

Addressing the Root Causes of Infidelity

For relationships directly affected by PTSD cheating symptoms, it is essential to address the root causes that lead to infidelity in the first place. This step may involve a deeper exploration of the underlying unresolved trauma, unmet emotional needs, and self-esteem issues. Understanding all underlying triggers and motivations for cheating can facilitate the healing process while reducing the risk of similar instances in the future.

For example, therapy can help a person understand the primary trigger of infidelity, such as a need for validation coming from unresolved childhood trauma. Once the cause is identified, seeking targeted therapy for management becomes easier. In the case mentioned above, therapy can help the individual develop healthier ways to get validation and resolve their childhood trauma to reduce further incidences of cheating.

Summary

The connection between PTSD and cheating is complicated, as both conditions can potentially impact and exacerbate each other. PTSD can push individuals to engage in cheating as a maladaptive coping mechanism; however, they often end up intensifying PTSD symptoms and complicating recovery. Addressing this complex interplay is essential and requires a multifaceted management approach, including therapy, education, and the acquisition of healthy coping mechanisms. By fostering support and understanding, it is possible for individuals and couples to successfully navigate the challenges of PTSD from cheating, ultimately leading to stronger, healthier relationships and improved mental health outcomes.

FAQs

Can being cheated on cause PTSD?

Cheating can be highly traumatic, often enough to trigger trust issues, intense emotional distress, and a strong sense of betrayal. For some people, the psychological impact associated with cheating can be so severe that it causes posttraumatic stress disorder. This disorder may manifest through different symptoms, such as intrusive thoughts about cheating, adverse changes in self-perception and mood, heightened anxiety levels, hyperarousal, and avoidance of situations that remind a person of their trauma.

Are there any particular PTSD triggers that heighten the risk of infidelity?

Specific PTSD triggers, such as reminders of a high-stress situation or traumatic events involving intimacy, can exacerbate the underlying symptoms and push a person to engage in maladaptive coping behaviors, including cheating. For instance, an individual who experienced trauma related to an intimacy issue may struggle to get close to their existing partner as it may trigger flashbacks and anxiety. As a result, they may seek emotional connection outside their relationship, causing infidelity.

Can PTSD treatment help manage the impacts of cheating in relationships?

Seeking treatment can help address the issues of infidelity by targeting the underlying triggers of trauma and symptoms causing relationship problems. Therapies, such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can help people process their trauma and reduce its symptoms while improving emotional regulation. Couples therapy can also be highly beneficial to address trust issues and communication problems while rebuilding the relationship.

Is cheating a common issue for people with underlying PTSD?

Not everyone with underlying PTSD will engage in cheating or infidelity; however, the disorder can significantly increase the risk due to specific symptoms like impulsivity, emotional numbness, and a need for validation. PTSD can also complicate intimate relationships, making it difficult for people to maintain emotional connection with their partners. Consequently, such people may try to find solace outside the primary relationship, resulting in cheating. It is important to note that infidelity can also occur due to other co-existing factors in addition to PTSD.

What is the best way for partners to rebuild trust after PTSD from cheating?

Re-establishing trust after cheating in a relationship where one partner has PTSD can be tricky and may require a commitment to transparency, open communication, and consistent efforts put in by both partners. Couples therapy can help people gain a structured environment to work on their trust issues and develop strategies to rebuild their relationship. Some ways to facilitate trust within a relationship include regular check-ins, establishing clear boundaries, and demonstrating honesty and reliability, as these steps facilitate healing. Understanding and patience from both partners are essential to navigating the complexities associated with recovery from PTSD and cheating.